but when you're down, you're down.
The last couple of days have been very mixed emotion days; lots of ups and downs. On one hand, I got back a very hard assignment and found that I'd done a great job The few points I missed were mostly because I misunderstood; I thought the list was a list of options to choose from, not that we had to demonstrate exercises from EACH item. I did all but 2 and lost points for skipping those 2. Although, it could have been much worse...had not I not picked all the rest! It was one of those assignments where I handed it to the teacher but couldn't quite let go of it. She just laughed and made me give it to her! So that made me feel good; that I picked well and got a lot of positive feedback from her.
We are reaching a point in my program where the instructors are pretty much just backing away... there is less and less teaching and more and more "information"...sometimes it feels like we've been just tossed out to sea and we're floundering. But that has to happen in order for us to bridge from the classroom to learning to think and evaluate patients on our own. I won't have a teacher standing beside me when I graduate.
I'm so freaking excited about clinicals, just to get out of the classroom and getting to "play" in physical therapy as we call it. To see my real patients and not paper patients who are never cut and dry and you never know what's going to come up next. On the flip side though, I'm nervous about leaving my comfort zone, about being the new person in the building all over again, and nervous about being a student therapist!! I'm supre excited that I'm going to a site owned by orthopedic surgeons because I *love* bones and joints and how they work. It's so interesting!! But the other side is that surgeons can be rather, hmmm, high handed?? and I absolutely do NOT want to screw up a hip or knee replacement. Can you say "terrified"?? LOL
Next week is spring break and I'm super excited about that, but then it means so so so much work to do. Because of the snow we are behind schedule and we are having to play catch up. We race thru the information and then have to demonstrate it 3 weeks from now...but there is no time to practice or get my hands on the mannequins to at least get a feel for the rhythm. I look at my "to do" list and want to bang my head on the wall. I go to work and my inbox is overflowing. I found out today that one of my co-workers was let go because she can't even work one full day a week anymore, the other one has some major family issues going on... argh!! I only have one week left!! They did hire a new student though, and it's a little scary to think of my replacement sitting at my desk. My office is moving in the next few weeks, which means when I go back I will have a new area, a new set up, no telling where my desk will be or who I will be working for... and for an OCD person that's not a comforting thought. I just keep telling myself I will go back for a few weeks in the summer, but pretty much I'll be part time and then I'm gone. Graduation.
I am praying for a scholarship this fall; maybe it will be enough to replace what I would make working and at least keep us afloat while I'm doing my 12 week clinical rotation. Then Graduation.
*sigh*
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