Reflections

As I finally come down off this latest mountain that we call life, I have to stop and take a moment to evaluate where I have been, where I am right-this-minute, and where I am going.

I pray. I pray a lot. Life has never been what I would consider easy. It's had many hardships, but it's also had a few joys. I guess I'm just not one of those people that makes a point to say "oh, poor me" and to make sure everyone knows about how traumatic my life has been. It was what it was, I sucked it up, and I moved on.

One of the things I pray on a regular basis is that I may become a better person: a better wife, a better daughter, a better mom, a better friend. I feel I have to put a disclaimer out there that I'm not necessarily a BAD any of those things...I just think we can all strive to better ourselves for the benefit of others in our lives.

What I've found in the last few years, now that I've had time to relax and just think is that there are people that say they want the best for you...and they mean it. I've got a specific friend in mind when I say this. While we kept in touch, so to speak, we haven't been close in a while. In fact the last year, I probably only talked to her sporadically. I love her dearly. I got a lovely text message from her the night before my exam and we've been back to "normal" ever since. Then there are the people that say they want the best for you, but what they really want is to see you fail. It's as if they are waiting...waiting...waiting to drag you down in the pits with them. And the more you succeed, the more distant they become. And while I try, I've reached the point that I cannot be the one to constantly ask "are you ok?" "Can I help?" "What can I do?" Sometimes you just have to suck it, and move on. And yet, somehow, I end up the bad guy? (don't get me wrong, I didn't actually SAY suck it up and move on...I just wanted to really bad.)

And so here I am, thinking I have a lot of friends. I have another dear friend who told me just a few short weeks ago that I was going to find out that there are friends...TRUE friends...and then there are acquaintances. I'm finding that out. It's time to move on, and be grown ups. And those folks that want to point out my every flaw, point out every mistake in every move I make, will just have to suck it up and move on....or be left behind.

But that said...I spent a few hours this evening with 2 dear friends. Both I gained during school, and both will continue to be a strong part in my lives in the years to come. And that's all the motivation I need to keep moving forward...one foot at a time.